Why are some people pushy?
Who doesn’t know someone who’s pushy? It can be your your co-worker, friend, spouse, or parent. It can be someone tall or short, blonde or brunette, young or old, male or female. Pushy people come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. They’re all around us. We see the kid in the store pushing his father to buy him the toy he wants, the wife in the doctor’s office pushing her husband to tell the doctor every ailment he’s had, the man in the electronics store pushing all the upgrades and warranties on a customer. There are situations in which a little pushiness is called for, but there are some people who are just plain pushy period.
What makes some people more pushy than others? Is there such a thing as a pushiness gene? Were pushy people pushed too much at one time and therefore became pushy themselves? Or were pushy people just allowed to be pushy because no one stopped them from being pushy? From what I gather, the condition of pushiness hasn’t been adequately researched because there are plenty of websites that address dealing with pushy people but few if any dealing with the causes of pushiness.
Whether nature or nurture is the cause of their condition, pushy people and their pushy tendencies can be rather annoying. Does anyone (including pushy people) enjoy being nagged by a pushy person? Probably not. And doctors have even found that pushy people are detrimental to both the emotional and physical health of others. For example, pushy people can cause headaches, stomachaches, lower back pain, high blood pressure, and depression. Anxiety and insomnia can also be added. Did I mention headaches?
I’m sure like many other people, I just don’t understand why some people have a need to be pushy. Even more, I don’t understand why pushy people fail to recognize that they’re pushy even though they may get messages from the people they push, such as “Sorry, I have to get going,” “I’m really not interested in that,” “I don’t want to discuss this now,” or just plain “No.” It’s hard enough to say “no” to a pushy person to begin with but even harder to get the pushy person to actually process “no” in his or her mind and back down. Why can’t pushy people recognize that instead of pushing their agendas forward, they’re actually pushing people away from them?
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Have you ever put yourself in the pushy people’s shoes? I’m aware of the fact that I can be very pushy and that makes me very sad. I wish I can control it, stop it, do more about it. I have even asked my friends to pinch me when I’m being pushy so I can stop. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy to stop being yourself. I have lost lots of relationships because of that. If you have any solution or advice…go ahead and send it to me. I will be more than happy to try it. I’m generally a very friendly and outgoing person, but when it comes to relationships I get to be really pushy.
Hi, Manu! Thank you for your post. I would like to applaud you for recognizing that you have a pushy character and wanting to do something about it. That’s a big first step. Not many pushy people realize that they’re pushy, so they don’t know that they need to improve themselves. I don’t claim to be a psychologist or a therapist, but if I may make a suggestion, try to treat people the way you would like to be treated. This doesn’t mean you should stop being yourself; rather, you should bring out the best of your personality with consideration for others. Be the best “you” and your friends will see you shine!
Most pushy people I’ve known tend to have anxiety problems, and that’s what is driving the pushy and controlling behaviors. Unfortunately, giving in to the pushiness only makes the problem worse over time, because it will make the pushy person associate being pushy with getting what they want (and the alleviation of their negative feelings). Thus, they become increasingly motivated to be pushy in the future, eventually alienating everyone around them.
Frankly, if you are pushy, you need realize that your internal “threat detection system” is malfunctioning, and recalibrate it. Look to how most people around you – especially those who are respected and well-liked — are acting and reacting to events. Take that as your cue, as to what is appropriate and normal in various situations.
1) When everyone else is lot calmer about the issue you are, you’re probably overreacting.
2) When everyone else is not treating this matter as an urgent priority, it’s probably not that big a deal.
3) When most other people would not nitpick whatever this is, you probably shouldn’t either.
4) When you’re in a group at a restaurant, and no one is badgering the wait staff with constant questions, you shouldn’t either.
Basically, just look at the standard set by the people around you, and don’t ask for any more attention, effort, pampering, or consideration than they are. THAT is what is appropriate behavior, by the standard of the setting.
When you consciously make the choice to behave appropriately in spite of your fears, you will realize something as time passes.
The world did not end, nobody died, and everything is just fine!
Now, aren’t you *SO* glad you didn’t embarrass yourself by having a meltdown front of everyone? Your friends like you, your coworkers respect you, and your family enjoys your company! What a relief! 😀
Over time, behaving appropriately rather than flying off the rails will become a habit in social situations, and finally a frame of reference that operates even when you’re alone. At this point, you can consider yourself an EX Pushy Person. 😀
For most people being pushy is part of their overall strategy to enact their agendas. In most cases this has become a habit. If you are old enough that you have trouble breaking the habit, yiu may actually need psychological help to break out of it.
Today a new tenant moved upstairs from me!. His gf has coming to my door already to let me know she will be using my parking space to move in. Ok. Then she said she would like to use my back yard for clock outs? I told her no! J said I live in the front unit. That’s your yard. I live here in the back this is my yard. Tonight I realized she didn’t leave? She is parked in my parking space?.I left a note on her car with my cell # asking her to not park in my space again. Idk but I felt compelled to nip this in the bud b4 it got out of hand. And yes, they us a sign posted: spaces are for tenants only unauthorized will be towed at owners expense
Thanks for the post. Pushy people seem to be everywhere. Dealt with this four times in two days. To them you know shut the hell up, man. Be grateful about your three-day weekend. Quit being so pushy.
Going to say that to someone the next time it’s a holiday and they use that to be an insistent dbag about it. People were shoving, getting upset about being refused and even pouting when they were ignored.
Pushy people display a lot of signs of schizophrenia. For example saying excuse me, sir in a demanding tone of voice strikes me personally as a little odd and someone who is probably being narcissistic.
When someone blurts out “come on, man” at a clearly disinterested person, not keeping his personality in check and minding his own dang business, that stuff just seems very pushy and fake.
The pushy people strike me as those big personalities always going out flaunting and fussing and doing whatever they can to get off on other people’s discomfort.
My job at my local meeting is to help with books. If someone wants to buy one great if not won’t grovel. Needless to say people come up. Is that pushiness? That’s the dead opposite of that.
Narcissist, neurotic types need to chill with their level of jumpiness and pushiness. They do stuff without even a warning shot and it’s starting to compromise my damn mind. Insisting behavior is problematic.
Not to go even more of length and over share, but it seems that public transportation and hotels can especially be coves for the Pushy Patties of the world. They always have to be in public. 🙁
Yes, But What happens to one that he or
She becomes pushy.
Maybe At times the reason is that one Finds that people
Dont care. That time is wasted. That resources are not being used. Maybe to bring people together. To some
Schedule, when nothing is set. Maybe it has to do with safety. With time flying, with feeling that people are not acknowledging or taking the Time to listen.
Please if you have pushy friends talk with them, don’t ignore them. If you give up
Also wonder why are you becoming passive. Communicate . Maybe two strong egos are bumping heads!