Lecherous Laundry

Why do socks like to wander?

They have issues with commitment and rarely stay together with their mate.  They have no problem pairing off with others and getting dirty, really dirty sometimes.  If they could talk, the stories of their conquests would be more interesting than most reality TV shows.  You know what I’m talking about–socks.

The other day I was doing my laundry, and mind you, I wasn’t washing loads of socks.  Just two pairs with my load of darks.  That’s four socks total.  Somehow, though, one mutinous member of the group wandered not once, but twice.  The nerve!  I first took heed of the rebel when I emptied the dryer and there were only three socks.  I knew it couldn’t hide forever and sure enough, as I was putting towels into the washer, there was the troublemaker flattened on the wall of the drum, hiding out of plain sight.  To punish it for straying, I made it go through a second round of the wash with the towels.  I imagine it wasn’t pleased with me for putting it through such agony, because as I was folding the towels out of the dryer, the elusive sock was nowhere to be found.  The stubborn thing wandered off a second time!  So, retracing my steps to the laundry room, I eventually found the rascal hiding among a crumpled pile of curtains waiting for their turn in the washer.

I’m sure you’ve been through a similar experience with your own socks when you launder them.  Socks are noncompliant articles of clothing that constantly seek their freedom in the bigger world of your house or apartment.  And surprisingly, they are possibly nature’s way of keeping our minds sharp and our muscles firm.  Think about it–if we didn’t have missing socks, would we be working out our minds quite as much by wondering where they wandered, or exercising our bodies as often by making multiple trips to the laundry room?  You’ll have to agree that missing socks help prevent some of us from turning into total couch potatoes.

Not all of us, though, buy into this theory of AWOL socks keeping our minds and bodies fit, and some have even tried to develop different strategies to prevent our socks from leaving the pack.  Some pin their cuffs together, roll them up, wash loads solely of socks, or count the number that go in the wash.  Others have become rather entrepreneurial, forming businesses that sell sock clips and mesh laundry bags.  Several sock manufacturers, such as Ralph Lauren, even put their logos on the sides of socks to differentiate left socks from right socks, which is supposed to aid us in keeping track of the darn things (not to mention advertise the companies).  What I want to know, however, is with all our many advances, why can’t we come up with something simple like a better way to keep our socks clean and honest?

Why, indeed.

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